The Minions: The 2032 Edition (Where are they now?)

Yes, I have a little time on my hands. A lot of time, actually.

As I sit here, I think about who my kids are and with this new, adorable addition, I catch myself guessing what she’ll be like in the future. Blonde hair? Brunette? Daredevil? Bookworm? All are fine with me, I’m just a nosy person by nature and love to speculate.

So speculate I did and I came up with a blog update I could write in 20 years, letting my loved ones know just what my grown children are up to.

Dominic

At 28, Dominic is the author of the bestselling, million dollar steampunk/goblin/zombie comic book series “Boy Wonder’s Tomb of Doom.” Recently optioned for the big screen, the series will also be made into a MMO/RP video game—much like “Warcraft,” the beloved video game of his youth.

Currently dating this year’s SI Swimsuit Edition cover model, Dominic says he has no plans on settling down anytime soon. He lives in a multi-million dollar treehouse in Northern California with his cat, Miko Jr., and said Brazilian bikini model.

Andrew

At 23, Andrew is a five-time heavyweight IBJJF world jiu jitsu champion, after defeating his idol and honorary uncle, Roger Gracie, both in their division and in the absolute division. This comes after graduating this spring with honors from Stanford with a  master’s degree in chemical engineering , a degree he plans to use to discover the next renewable fuel source, ultimately ending the world’s reliance on fossil fuels.

Andrew is engaged to his elementary school sweetheart and fellow IBJJF jiu jitsu lightweight champion and rising MMA superstar, Ava Cannonier, and plans to get married at 25, after earning his first million dollars (and getting permission from the bride-to-be’s Killa Gorilla father, retired UFC light-heavyweight champ, Jarrod Cannonier).

Kenna

The rebel of the family, Makenna (21), bucked her mother’s traditions and prejudices and is a junior at the University of Texas in Austin (much to Grampa Gary's delight), where she is the president of her sorority and captain of the Longhorn cheerleading squad.

 Dating the Longhorn quarterback and presumed first-round draft pick in the 2033 NFL draft, Makenna is a dean’s list student studying biomedical science with plans to participate in the university’s fast-track medical school program. In her spare time, Makenna runs marathons, works in local animal shelters, and knits hats for newborn babies at the hospitals where she volunteers.

Riley

The natural born fighter of the family, Riley (20) is a sophomore at Texas A&M University where she studies architecture and works as an assistant professor at her father’s Gracie Barra College Station jiu jitsu academy. After winning her first gold in the women’s flyweight division at IBJJF’s world championship at age 18, Riley has returned to the tournament each year and captured gold in her division and in the absolutes. 

She spends her summers training in Rio de Janeiro and is often on the cover of Gracie Magazine and various women's fitness magazines. Not allowed to date until she is 35, Riley is currently single—much to her daddy’s relief.