Thursday, May 19, 2011

It Never Gets Easier

There are 9 days until my Boy Wonder jaunts off on a big, amazing adventure in Florida for nine weeks with his dad and stepmom.

He’ll meet a new baby sister and be reacquainted with the joys of a demanding infant long enough to come home and meet ANOTHER baby sister and demanding infant. (Yes, we have dubbed 2011 “The Year of the Sister” for the poor kid.)

He’s a different kid to me these days. Just last night I went to his parent/teacher conference and had the chance to peruse through an entire binders’ worth of photos, art projects, math work, books we’ve read together…it’s been a beautiful year.

The photos of him in August compared to the photo taken of him last week are shocking to say the least. Gone is the little kid and in his place is this maturing, helpful boy who has his own distinct likes, dislikes, and preferences.

To me, this is the hardest time of year because I have to let go and paste a smile on my face in an attempt to match his enthusiasm for his vacation. It’s never easy. It never gets easier. I sat in a sort of funk/fog at the table the other morning while the world went on around me and fought like hell not to succumb to that burning in my eyes the more I thought about the massive changes only 9 days away.

This year, Boo sticks to his brother like glue (in good and bad moods, so it’s always exciting around our place) and you can bet he’s going to notice that his “Bubba” is gone next Sunday morning.

(The only consolation is that Boo is obsessed with sleeping in a big boy bed these days and we’ll take the time Boy Wonder is gone to get Boo used to sleeping in a great big bed before we re-assemble the bunk beds. Lots of changes going on around our place. )

I thought I had some “lessons learned” insight to offer readers about how I deal with a hole in my heart for nine weeks, but the truth is, I don’t. I have nothing. It's not easy. I can't just talk it away. It always hurts and I always over-worry everything.

I think this is just one of those instances where you do your best to understand the greater good and your small part in it. It’s not always about me, despite my best attempts, and the boy has places to go and loved ones to see. His grand adventure is waiting.

But, oh, how my heart aches when he’s gone…


  1. this made me sad... :( My niece goes back and forth weekly and it's so hard. even that regularly...

  2. I can't imagine. So hard to let go! That's such a difficult arrangement. Hugs!