Thursday, May 28, 2009

How to Fail Magnificently

Ok. So maybe this isn't about how to fail, per se, but about some of the best ones I've seen so far, thanks to Craftfail. (Have you been there yet? You should visit. Oh, how you should...) Seems I'm not the only one on the planet to have a great idea, only to watch it turn into a not so great, um, product? Read on. (The following are my favorite entries from Craftfail. The ones after those...well, those are all mine.)

Seems this crafter wanted to try her hand at knitting her own knickers. 'Cept she has a strange, slightly off sense of self and seems to think her bum is the size of Lake Michigan. Oh, I can relate...

Seriously. The idea for the pattern was cute. She just chose convenient colors. They're rad. I bet they were a hit at the playgroup.

And my favorite...

I laugh every time I see this photo. It says it all. And for the record, "Fat Guy In Little Coat" is my favorite movie moment. Ever. Ever ever ever. Seriously.

So to be fair, I thought I'd fess up my three best personal, lifelong fails. (The list goes on, I assure you. These are just the ones I could find neat little pictures to accompany the text. Hooray.)

Megan Fail #3: Navigation of any type

I failed USMC land navigation twice. Failed as in I pointed my little compass in the right direction, walked toward the next station and ended up hitting the “white tape” that marks the edge of the course. Had the white tape not been there, I’d have ended up at the local Dunkin’ Donuts asking for a ride back. And a jelly-filled, powdered sugar bomb. (I love those.) Even today, I have the precise instincts that will tell me to turn left when the directions clearly state, “turn right.” The sign on the side of the road can say in bold type, “Turn here, stupid woman” and I’d get the gut feeling that turning left is really the best move. I mean, seriously, bad, bad sense of direction. Terrible. Avoid letting me drive on road trips unless you want to end up in Turkmenistan instead of downtown Anchorage. You have been forewarned.

Megan Fail #2: Yoga
No pastime/lifestyle has ever been so intriguing and unattainable at the same time. I was at a class this past Tuesday and felt that I should have probably left halfway through. I’m not flexible. Trouble is, my competitive streak and my stubbornness have not received the message yet. I’ll throw out my back and tear my rotator cuff just to keep up with the vegan stick insect (read it: skinny blonde girl) next to me. I’ll shred a hamstring to achieve the perfect Down Dog, to try to show up the hairy hippie girl in the first row. During meditation, I’ll think nasty thoughts about my ex, overdue bills, and the showoff down the hall instead of envisioning world peace, harmony, and good karma. I’m terrible at it. I know this, man. I know this!

Megan Fail #1: Patience

I mean, seriously? Me? Patient? Doubt it. Total failure. I can’t knit a straight edge. Don’t want to learn correctly. I won’t proof drafts before they’re sent out. I won’t pre-measure fabric before I cut. I never let dough rise long enough. I won’t pre-heat the oven. Haven’t ironed in 17 months. Never get everything in the diaper bag on the first try. Can’t let the coffee finish brewing before trying to sneak my cup under the brewer. Eat my dessert first if I have the chance. Can’t meditate to save my life. FAIL!

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I'm right with you on the patience thing. And I'm pretty useless at knitting. Whahey! Love the pic of the boobie cookies though. So cool!!!

    PS Oooohhhmmmmmmm...