Friday, April 10, 2009

Interesting Folks: Boy Wonder

A long, long time ago when I worked at a newspaper in town here, I was a community reporter. That meant I covered Eagle Scouts, Bowling Tournaments. Quilting get it. The only part of the job that really didn't make me want to swallow a fork was when I got to profile people (instead of previewing upcoming events or doing wrap-ups.) Focusing on people and asking them ridiculous questions was kinda the whole reason, y'know, that I got into journalism.

But most newspaper sections are more interested in events and less into non-famous people. And trust me, in Alaska, there is a shortage of the famous and an abundance of the non-famous. I didn't get to do as many profiles as I'd like to.

So I do what anyone would do and start a blog. Where I'm the emperor. I'm the president. I'm the king. (Or queen. Whatever.) I run this shiz-nit. And with that, I can interview and profile as often as I can find a willing victim.

Case in point: my captive audience--Boy Wonder. BW sat through a grueling two-minute interview with the blog recently. Here are some highlights.

Le Drole Corbeau (LDC): Hey there, Boy Wonder. How are you?

Boy Wonder (BW): Fine.

LDC: So, I'd really like to...

BW: I'm hungry. Can I have a snack?

LDC: In a minute... I've got some hard-hitting questions for you. I've been practicing all day.

BW: But I'm hungry...

LDC: In a damn minute, kid. So, here we go. How old are you?

BW: You're my mom. You should know.

LDC: You ever want a snack as in the rest of your life??

BW: I'm five. (Holds up four fingers.)

LDC: What do you want to be when you grow up?

BW: A motorcycle.

LDC: ??? Wha...?

BW: They go really speed. And they have a lot of colors. I want to be a green one. With black stripes.

LDC: I remember when you wanted to be a pirate, dude.

BW: Pirates aren't real. They're only pretend on the Disney movies.

LDC: They are, too, real.

BW: Nuh-uh.

LDC: Yeah-huh. Read about Somalia lately, player?

BW: I want a snack.

LDC: What else do you want? If you could have anything in the world.

BW: A HotWheels. And a girlfriend.

LDC: A whaaaaaaat?

BW: HotWheels. Probably a monster truck with big...

LDC: No, no, no. The other thing.

BW: Oh. (*grins*) I want a girlfriend.

LDC: Why would you want one of those?

BW: Some kids at daycare have them. I want one, too.

LDC: Why? What's so great about girlfriends?

BW: Well, they give you stuff.

LDC: Like what?

BW: Like the food at lunch that you don't want to eat.

LDC: What else do girlfriends do?

BW: Hmmm...they come over to your house...

LDC: Watch it, kid.

BW:...they play, they make you laugh, you have a snack, and then they go back where they came from.

LDC: Really?

BW: Yep. They always go home. But little brothers don't.

LDC: Nope, they sure don't.

(Here ends the interview.)

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